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Oh Solstice Tree, Oh Monkey Tree!

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I really like my tree.
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And Shaylah.
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During the early part of this holiday season I would sing Christmas songs and replace Christmas with Solstice. Today I found myself singing Christmas carols and replacing the Christmasy part with Monkey.

“Oh Monkey Tree, Oh Monkey Tree” or “Oh Come All Ye Monkeys, Joyful and Chattering, oh come ye oh come ye oh Mon-on-keeeyss”

“Joyful all ye monkeys sing, oooh ooh ahh ooh ahh ooh ahh oooh aaa (monkey sounds).” Which leads me to just sing all the melody’s in monkey speak (I do an awesome chimpanzee impression by the way.)

I stop before I get to Monkeys Roasting On An Open Fire…that would just be wrong.

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This Is The Life…

According to this Birthday Calculator I am 428 months old. I just spent day number 13,028 of my life watching 19 episodes (so far) of Hannah Montana and playing Cake Mania on my Nintendo DS. I may be 35 years old but I have the interests of an eleven year old girl.

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Passive Aggressive Notes

I have always been a fan of Post Secret and Found, now I would like introduce Passive Aggressive Notes!

I was going to use this as an opportunity to write about the notes that my old roommate M. used to leave for me. Then I realized that a sheet of notebook paper taped to the entryway wall with “FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!” scrawled across it in black Sharpie isn’t passive aggressive-it IS aggressive! She was a joy!

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LOL Possums!

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Merry Christmas, Happy Stomach Flu

There’s lots of ways that people compartmentalize/categorize their holiday memories. “The Christmas I got the Barbie Dreamhouse” or “Our First Christmas Together” or “The Christmas we…whatever.” For me this Christmas has been “The Christmas I had the Stomach Flu. ” It started on Saturday the 22nd. I felt a little rough and wrote it off as a slight hang over from our delightful Winter Solstice Party. But at around 5pm I was in Dominick’s shopping for Christmas dinner and I rapidly starting feeling sick but tried to deny it-the power of positive thinking and all that. By the time I hit the fancy cheese section I found myself wanting to pick up the cool packages and place them against my feverish head. By 9pm I collapsed in bed, half-dressed, teeth chattering full on flu. Then came the vomiting. I hate throwing up more than the average person because it causes all the blood vessels in my face to fracking explode. Sunday morning I looked swollen and kind of tan but had to go to work because I was the only one who could do payroll. I spent half the day in the bathroom and the other half trying not to cry, but everyone got paid. Woke up Christmas Eve day and I was a little shaky, but on the mend. False hope. Made it through work but when we went to the relatives for dinner I warned John, “when I say it’s time to go I mean it’s time for me to GO”. We lasted about an hour and a half before we had to race home to the privacy of our own bathroom, where I spent several hours that night into Christmas morning. Held it together long enough to make dinner for 12 and play the sleep deprived yet delightful hostess. Thought it was over today so we headed to the lake with Lilo. Right after we took the family shot you see in the earlier post we had to speed home again for another few hours of “private time”.

Now I will try to look on the bright side, the less crappy side if you will…

  • I have had plenty of time to catch up on my magazine collection. John’s brother works for the airlines and each week I get a huge box of periodicals and best sellers-basically if it’s left on a plane it ends up in my living room! And there truly is a magazine for anything and everything because in addition to the multiple copies of Oprah, Real Simple and People there are also –Hot Bike, Future Snowboarding and Baltimore Dog, just to name a few. I often want to send postcards to the people on the mailing labels-thoughts on their reading choice, or “thanks for sharing”. How creepy would that be? That’s why I, like the subscriber of Diversion for Physicians At Leisure, tear our address labels off before magazines leave the house. I do feel sorry for the people who forget the books. You know they bought the best seller at the airport for $14.99 and are totally kicking themselves for forgetting it on the plane. PS-if you like mystery’s, romances, crime novels or anything by John Grisham please let me know. I will totally hook you up!
  • I have high quality bathroom products and in searching for the link for this section I discovered that you can order toilet paper on Amazon.com. Really? Why? It’s not a hard to find item for the normal person. I would assume that if you lived somewhere without a store, let’s say the middle of the wilderness, that delivery from Amazon would be just as problematic as buying toilet paper. I have never seen “airplane drop” as an option on the Amazon delivery menu. Random note-remember The Wilderness Family movies? They had their supplies dropped from a plane. Remember the time two of them were being chased by a bear and they had to hide in a cave in the river and the bear kept trying to get in? That was scary stuff. Anyway, back to toilet supply talk. I highly recommend these as well-Cottonelle Fresh Wipes-not just for babies anymore!
  • And, while most people worry about gaining a few pounds over the holiday treat season I am actually losing weight! One step ahead on my New Year’s Resolutions!
  • Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a few issues of Car and Driver and a Cigar Aficionado waiting for me in the lavatory…

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    The Day After Christmas

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    Merry White Christmas

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    Calvin’s Snowmen

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    Ah, winter through the eyes of Calvin and Hobbes…oh the nostalgia! This collection made my day!

    Unfortunately for us all of the snow in Chicago is gone and all we are left with is frozen piles of leaves. No white Christmas in the city. Sigh.

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