So my cell phone rings at 9:30 am and it’s my mother.
Laurie: Hello Mother.
Mom: (laughing) Well how are you feeling today?
Laurie: (confused)Fiinne.
Mom: You called me last night to tease me about your apple pie.
Laurie: No I didn’t.
Mom: Yes you did! You called me at midnight and you sounded really out of it. You said that John was sleeping and you were eating delicious apple pie. You sounded really out of it and I asked if you were on drugs or drunk.
Laurie: No I didn’t! It wasn’t me!
Mom: Yes it was!
This goes on for a minute-her more demanding and me more shocked.
At this point bizarre self doubt kicks in and I hang up to check my dialed calls-the whole time thinking, “Do I call people in the middle of the night without knowing it???” No. I don’t. So I call her back and she’s insisting it was me. I explained that John and I were still awake at that time and there’s no way I made that call. She still doesn’t believe me because she talked to that person for a long time and they ended the call with the fake me saying they would call her tomorrow.
Now some of you know my mom has had some health problems lately and after the bizarre self doubt that I might me making mysterious midnight calls the thought entered my mind that my mother might be losing it. But her husband Jack was there too. So now she is trying to figure out how to check her call records and we’ll see if we find the culprit.
Prank calls are nothing new to my family. When I was growing up it was mainly just my mother and me in the house. She had a job as an Income Maintenance Worker (welfare worker) and would get harassed occasionally so she listed the phone under my name instead of hers. In the phonebook, a woman’s name instead of a man and woman or a plain initial is a freak magnet. We got so many obscene calls, prank calls, etc. Some were gross, some were pathetic and some were pretty funny. I use to mock the perverts about their technigue-”heavy breathing? That’s the best you can do?” -but my mom didn’t want me to piss one off and have him come and “show” me. I will add that to my good mom advice list, “Don’t taunt the perverts.”
Here are my top three memorable prank calls
1. This one is really creepy and very similar to the one my mom got last night. I was in 6th grade and I stayed home sick from school. I am laying in bed and the phone rings and when I pick it up it sounds like a woman is crying. My sister was studying in England at the time and I thought it was her. “Jenny?” This gives the pervert on the line an in and he says yes. He (posing as she) tells me that someone tried to attack her and starts asking me all these questions about sex. Had I ever done it, have any of my friends ever done it, etc. I can still hear the voice in my head and remember how upsetting the call was. I was scared for my sister but I didn’t know what to do. As I got older I realized it wasn’t her. I never told anyone. In fact, the first time Jenny will hear about this is now.
2. This one might be creepy but I still think it was fun as far as prank calls go. I am in high school and some one called really early in the morning. I answer the phone, obviously annoyed. He asks for someone, I explain that he has the wrong number and that he woke me up. He apologizes and we keep talking and it ends with him singing me a lullaby.
3. This one was just a few months ago. It’s 1am and as usual John and I are still awake. The home phone rings and we assume it’s going to be Chris or Claire calling from the Pacific time zone. We answer on speaker phone and it’s some kids doing South Park impersonations. Boy did they pick the right house-we weren’t pissed off at being woken up, we like South Park and we thought it was funny. So they are yelling “Timmy!” in the Timmy voice and we do it back and fourth and they are starting to giggle and John says, “Jimmy!” in the Jimmy voice and the kids explode into giggles and hang up. We win.
Just got the update from mom. She called the number back and got an answering machine. Now we think that it wasn’t a prank, but a real wrong number. The caller was strung out or drunk and thought she was talking to her mother. And my mother just assumed it was me, asked where John was, etc. At one point it seemed like the fake me wanted to confess something and my mom tried to get it out of her, but she didn’t say. And now we’ll never know.
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