Entries Tagged as ''

I Hate This Boy

I know what goes around comes around so I have hope that this kid will get what’s coming to him. But how many more magnificent creatures need to die before that happens?

Aussie Teen Hooks Record Black Marlin, Feeds it to Sharks; ‘It was Pretty Cool’

I “love” this part-The 14-year-old said he was expecting some flak from “greenies” but “the last time six big tiger sharks came in . . . it was pretty cool”.

But I love this more. Turns out the little pratt is getting death threats.

Share

Crocodiles, Orcas and Boars-Oh My!

It’s a busy day for animal attacks.
Kasatka the Killer Whale finally had enough at Sea World and dragged her trainer under water a few times. There’s a grainy home video of it on yahoo and I personally believe the crappy music from the show finally got to her. If you watch the video the next story that comes up is how the cops in Florida had to save a naked crack-head from being eaten by a crocodile.

And finally, Wild Bavarian Boars go on a rampage

What the hell. One More. Sea Lion Attacks!

Share

Home!!

I finally got on an airplane only to pull out of the gate and spend another 50 minutes on the runway. They tried to be nice and show us a movie but it turned out to be Taladega Nights, The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby which was was godawful. I think the only thing that would have been funny in the movie was the creative swearing but that was all edited and lame. But I got not one, but THREE little bags of pretzels and a WHOLE bottle of water not just a glass. SWEET. I made it home around 12:30am and John had stargazer lillies waiting for me on my nightstand. Sweet little monkey boy!

Share

This Is Me Whining in New York

Warning: This is me whining. I am once again trapped at &^&^%$#@! Laguardia airport. I just want to go home. At 5:30 they call to say that they have cancelled my flight but have rebooked me on the 7pm which was already delayed until 9pm. I already had the car service on it’s way so I was stuck with heading to the damn airport. They assured me I was booked on the earliest flight out. Since I have been sitting here TWO flights have left for Chicago that I should have been on the stand by list for. Of course I feel that the poor people who have been sitting here since 4pm should get to go home first but I WANT TO GO HOME. Is that too much to ask? And I am hungry. Everything this side of security closed awhile ago so the only hope for food would be to completely go through security again. Earlier I saw an employee of the pretzel place throw out a whole bag of subpar fruit. I am tempted to go dig through the trash and see if it’s still there. Okay that’s an exaggeration but it is tempting. OK. Here’s where the real whining starts.

I am hungry I am tired I have cramps HOLY SHIT A MOUSE JUST RAN BY I AM NOT KIDDING!!!!!! I am trapped at the goddamn airport which is infested with mice. And while I was looking for my camera I lost track of it. It’s probably going to crawl up my pant leg and try to hitch a ride to Chicago to see relatives. Legs are now up on the suitcase. Now I wish I had food for me AND the mouse. And I REALLY want a photo to ad to this post. Come on little demon mouse. At least now I have something to live for. See what Laguardia does to you? It sucks the life out of you. And I am wearing this cute yet low cut top so I constantly have to make sure the girls are in check. This is not good travel wear! Anyway. I think that about covers it. Oh. I have to work tomorrow. That sucks too.
But otherwise this was a pretty good trip.
Always end on a positive note.

Share

Magical New York

Yes, as promised I am back in New York. I should have known that it would be a magical trip when my flight left Chicago ON TIME and I got moved to First Class! Whoo Hoo! Landed at Laguardia on time and headed into the city. On the way there I saw a semi that was painted in some kind of magic, dragon fantasy theme. A dragon on the nose of the cab, a wizard on the doors complete with magic mushrooms. The back had some half-naked fairy princess and a raccoon. I found the raccoon to be an odd choice in the magical realm-but to each his own. I tried to snap a photo but was too late. Then we passed a garbage truck that said “Castle” on it and I decided that “MAGIC” was the theme for the trip. The weather was magical-at least 63 degrees on November 27th! Got to the hotel and decided to be ambitious and head all the way from my China Town roost to Lincoln Center for their big tree lighting ceremony and Winter’s Eve. I have been having a hard time getting in the holiday spirit and I thought this might help.

It didn’t, but I still had a good time-felt like I was part of something. Then I wandered over to Barnes and Noble and got a seat to watch some Joshua Bell guy perform Voice of the Violin. Basically I went in to use the bathroom and saw a line and stood in it. Got one of the last seats with all these crazy Joshua Bell fans and realized that the show didn’t start for another 30 minutes. At that point I turned in my wristband and headed for the hills. That was too long to wait for an impulse show. Decided to get some coffee and Starbucks and while I was in line I noticed a mom with a stroller and this great inflatible unicorn. When I left about 10 minutes later said unicorn was in the trash on the street! I looked around for it’s owner and waited a few agonizing minutes before grabbing the unicorn and heading off. As I walked down Broadway toward Time Square I realized-what fits a magic theme better than a UNICORN? Named Gabriel. Let me tell you, being a lone woman walking down the streets of New York with an inflatible unicorn leads to some ackward moments. “NO, you can not have my unicorn” or “she’s not a pony-do you see the horn?” Here’s Gabriel enjoying a slice of New York style pizza in Times Square-
There was a great opportunity for Gabriel to have her photo taken with some hot cops but I chickened out-wasn’t ready to be THAT weird. But here she is in the cab…

Gabriel hung out in the room and watched Pay-Per-View while I met friends for a delightful dinner in Little Italy. It was so warm we ate outside! Caffe Sorrento– Beautiful night, great food, wine and the street was all lit up with holiday decorations. You couldn’t ask for a nicer NY experience. Then off to the hotel bar and Gabriel decided to join us.

Having a drink at the hotel bar with friends…

Tending bar…

And our self portrait in the elevator…

Now we need to drink some water and go to sleep-long day tomorrow and it starts at 9:30am, which is 8:30 to my mind.

Share

You Are Here

In the tree of life-you are here (I had to shrink it a bit. We are that tiny line under animals.)

Kind of puts things in perspective. As does this. Odds for your death

Share

Welcome to Uncyclopedia!

New entertaining time killer-Uncyclopedia-wikipedia’s evil twin.

Category:Oscar Wildeizms

“There is only one thing in the world worse than quoting Oscar Wilde and that is being quoted by Oscar Wilde.”

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe on Oscar Wilde

“Yeah? Well, what now, bitch?.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“The only thing better than Oscar Wilde on Oscar Wilde is Oscar Wilde on Phyllis Diller. Naked. And covered in bees.”

~ Pontius “Pilot” Pilate on Oscar Wilde

“I’m covered in bees!”

~ Winnie the Pooh on The above quote

“It’s an explosion of flavor!”

~ The Man from Nantucket on Oscar Wilde

“Some will win, some will lose…and some are born to sing the blues!”

~ Journey on Oscar Wilde

“What a fucking moron.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Oscar Wilde

I like this one too…

Did you know…..that a Cabbage can kill you just by looking at you funny? They rip people in half all the time, and roll around in their bloody entrails. They wouldn’t even think twice about tearing off your arm, and jamming it through your eyesocket so that the fingers are sticking out your mouth, and then kicking you in the nuts, which would make you BITE YOUR OWN FINGERS OFF. The purpose of the cabbage is to flip out and KILL.

Share

The Pitbull Next Door

The neighbors got a cute little puppy for Thanksgiving. A cute little white pitbull puppy. I am less than thrilled. I feel bad stereotyping a dog, or my neighbors, but I can’t help it. When we first moved into the house the kids wanted to meet Lilo and I had this naive fantasy that I would be the cool lady on the block so I went over to let them play with her. Big mistake. Right away I could see that the boys had no respect for animals and the youngest was potentially dangerous. When Lilo wouldn’t do what he told her to he would yank on her leash and I could tell by his face that he wanted to hurt her-that if I hadn’t been there he would have. Then he fell down the stairs and told his Dad that Lilo had attacked him! Luckily Dad saw what happened or we could have had a major problem on our hands. That same day the kids told me that they use to have a pit but it got too mean and they got rid of it. So 2.5 years later they have decided to try again. When I saw the Dad outside I said, “cute puppy” and he replied, “for now-we’ll see what he’s like in 6 months.” Awesome. And I know that some people work really hard and train the dogs and they are great. But I also know that a lot of the sweet family dogs can turn in an instant. And yes I know that any breed of dog can be crazy-but if a golden retriever freaks out and tries to kill someone you can hit it with a baseball bat and it will probably let go. Not a pitbull. It will just get more pissed off and try to kill you too.
So today the family was out in the backyard with the dog and the kids were playing a really fun game. Kick the big rubber ball at the puppies face as hard as you can! ahahahaha. Dad’s response? “If the dog gets it’s jaws on the ball he’ll break it.” Not-hey play sweet with the puppy or be nice to the puppy or don’t torture the potential killer and make it aggressive and fearful! AAAIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHH.
So. The new giant fence has moved up on our home improvement list!
I am now going up to my room to watch a happy dog movie-Eight Below.

Share