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Happy Birthday to Me!

Group shot of Matt, Karin, John and I outside of Dharma Garden at the creepy “antique” shop. Look, there’s two of me!

It’s been such a lovely birthday! Matt & Karin came up to celebrate. They are finally back after nearly 3 years in South America and was our first time together since they returned. I find it quite awesome that my fortune cookie at Chen’s said “friends long absent are coming back to you.”

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My day…

Noel made me a birthday cake and people sang songs. I kind of made them sing. No candles but I wanted singing damnit!

JP is going to Vegas for “2 months”-I think/fear forever-so there was a going away party tonight at Jack’s on Halsted. JP is the only man I know who could make a candy thong look good! I’m sure by the end of tonight he’ll find someone to share it with. We had to leave kind of early because Lilo was waiting for us at a company apartment above Eat A Pita. We got the car and pulled up out front. I had had a few Belvedere Dirty Martini’s so I waited in the car. When they got back to the car John mentioned that something was moving and making scary noises in the trash can. I of course am always thinking of the blog and saw this as a grand photo op!

I was…
a. too scared to get close enough
b. too short to get the good inside action shot of the rat

SO I holler to get John to come out of the car and take the photo. John is sober and has no desire to get bit by a rat and as I am begging him to come try I hear the rat come climbing out behind me! He yells, RAT!, I scream and pee a little. I am not ashamed to say that I peed just a little. And by a little I do mean a little-no June Alison and Depends needed here. Then again as of 1:07am I am going to be 34 years old so maybe Depends aren’t so far off. Back to the RAT-I had no idea how big the damn thing was all I knew is that it was coming at me. Really, it was trying to get the hell away from the drunk girl with the bright light but in the moment I was thinking I wouldn’t make it to my next birthday because I was going to get the plague from a rat bite.

oh yeah. I am a blonde now. It’s my new sassy birthday hair. There was going to be a photo exclusively for Ryan.Barrett.Hastings. But on preview I realized that all the photos I took tonight were bad MySpace working the angles photos. Another time. I promise. You can kind of see my new hair in the cake photo.

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Good-bye to the Liar and the Fake

HA! We are free from the tyranny and lies of Kelly Pickler! I have never been a big fan of unchained melody but now it will always hold a fond place in my heart as the song that brought about the end of Kelly Pickler. And obviously the judges read my blog and realized the error of their ways and apologized to Katharine! Simon, since you’re reading this-do you want to have a dirty martini sometime?

And on Model Neenah got the highheel boot! Take your fakey smiley and bald head home. You’re boyfriend’s a dork and you’re boring.
I sure wish I could be Tyra Banks for a week or two. Have someone dress me up all the time and make me look fabulous. Get to be beautiful, a complete weirdo AND get paid for it! I am such a mess 90% of the time. There’s just not time to look fierce when you’re showering 29 minutes before you’re supposed to be at work and you live 20 minutes away! Make-up in the car vanity mirror is not fierce! Muddy dog prints on your pants is not fabulous! Sigh.

In other news….
Spears/Federline are expecting another little whitetrash hellspawn!

And finally…Since JP knew I was so happy about the eagle cam (see below) he turned me on to the Leprechaun Watch! The best is the sightings page. The thing only refreshes every thirty seconds so I don’t know how the hell you are supposed to see much. But you never know! And by the way, Eagle is super active in the dark and I think he’s eating something right now. But I can’t quite tell. Because it’s dark.

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Oh My God! I Speak Crazy!

Today I made a shocking discovery. I speak crazy. When the insane foam finger and bear claw salesman came by I was the only one who could understand him. I was easily able to translate his insane ramblings. I think I could have a great career as an interpretor for the crazy guy on the train, drunk frat boys and weird bag ladies.
It was the first Cubs game of the season for me and the first of two this week!

I think this is a good warning for many situations.

I think a good warning for the monkey boys behind us would have been “don’t take vicodin and drink seven mai tai’s on an empty stomach. It turns you into a major asshole.” At one point they were mocking some 8 year old in a superman t-shirt and discussing how they would be “like kryptonite on his ass”. Lovely. And the best part is my girls are the one’s who end up getting scolded by security! Some guy was holding up a God Bless the Cubs sign and the cop told him to take it down. So my girls called him a nazi. He decided this was a great opportunity to inform us of the rules and etiquette for sign holding. We were apologetic and now, better prepared if we ever decide to bring a sign to a game. Once Upon A Time John and I went to see WWF wrestling and brought a www.blueman.com sign. We were so dedicated, so young and had such bad taste in entertainment!

Melissa, Kristen and JP keeping it warm and lively!

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You are all weirdos!

Eagle Cam!
Since Chris sent this to me I am sure he won’t mind if I can’t do any work because I am watching Mr. Eagle. If it doesn’t show turn of your pop up blocker.
Speaking of Eagles…

Sam the Eagle!

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American Idol

Were the judges on crack during Katharine’s performance? I thought she was incredible and then the judges go on a rampage. They made my girlfriend cry. Stupid judges. And Elliot-I don’t even care enough about you to spell check your name. The only good thing about tonight is Pickler was so god awful maybe she will FINALLY GO HOME. Ghost? I hate you, you dirty whore.

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Today at the Pier

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Holy Mother F&%$#@! CHIMP ATTACK!

“FREETOWN, Sierra Leone – Police hunted Monday for chimpanzees that escaped from a Sierra Leone preserve and mauled a group of American and local sightseers, killing one man and injuring four people.

The U.S. Embassy warned Americans against traveling to the Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary, where the chimps escaped before Sunday’s attack on a taxicab.

The Sierra Leonean driver died as the chimps ripped his body apart, and three Americans were treated at a hospital for minor injuries, said Oliver Somasa, a top police official.

Another Sierra Leonean man in the group had his hand amputated after the mauling, Somasa said.”

Bad Monkey’s! BAD! And I think it needs to be said. If the chimps are attacking your cab-KEEP DRIVING! It’s like the LA Riots. If a mob is heading for your truck-run them over! DO NOT STOP!

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